Monday, 23 April 2018

Sunitha, the giver

After a real long back i am coming back on writing the blog. It is better to blog on few issues than to
crib to someone or to express oneself at many places, express myself here at once.

Blogging is really a relieving experience. I was going through few things in my gmail i must say it had been more than two years since i wrote anything in this blog.

I had even forgotten that i used to do this! Many life events would have happened and we even fail to notice and pen down the memories or thoughts!

Now i feel like writing stories. The one i am writing down is one such fictional story.

Sunitha was a dynamic and beautiful girl. She had many fans in her younger days and one such boy proposed to her. She readily accepted and after initial hiccups they got married.

Sunitha was always an independent girl from the beginning. She was workholic both at home and office. She built her career wisely and with her hard work she was soon recognized everywhere in office for her dedication in work.

At home too she worked hard to set up her home from scratch. She worked on little details of it beautifully. There were teething troubles in her marriage and soon they got settled down.

Just when she was settling down with her husband, her husband told that his brother is shifting to their city and "He has asked him to stay with him". This came as a shock because she was considering herself empowered and was thinking that her husband loved her so that he would consult her in everything. Then she realized that it is not the case. Even though he loved her, the decisions were made by him and it was being pushed on her. She had heard such stories from her friends, when this happened to her, she could not believe.

It was her home, she had just resolved differences with her partner and she was just settling down. In the middle of all this she wanted peace. But this came as a blow. Not that her brother in law was coming to stay with them, but she was just informed but not consulted even though it is her home.

Later she realized that lot of work already has gone in this exercise of him moving to her city of Kolkata. Her in-laws and husband have discussed and have taken actions in this decision without her consultation.

A brave independent good woman was not even considered or consulted for decision making and it was thrusted upon her. It was her space that was being shared. She felt the lack of trust and also this deeply hurt her. The scar remained in her forever. 

But given this she did not treat anyone badly. She looked after her BIL with good hospitality. She was brought up with good values and culture. Where in anyone comes home should be treated well (Athithi devo bhava). And this sharing of space and caring continued for years without her even noticing it! Not only him it was Sunitha's nature to give and treat anyone who is associated with her.

Then the alliances started coming for her BIL. One day he got married and moved out. She felt very bad that someone living with them moved out. Because over a period of time she had got used to the setup at home.

Later as by human nature Sunitha was expecting the same reciprocation from her BIL family which eventually did not happen. Now all her BIL does is ask his wife permission for everything. Now the person who came without her permission to his brother house cannot invite or feed them even for a while without his wife's permission. This was very well noticed but did not want to comment as it would hurt them, His wife hardly treated her good. 

How the rules change for different people at different times. Some people cry women's day and all that but some women will make their ways work without any consideration for others. 

Women's day should be for women who are not empowered not for women who over-power.

But some women will have to cry silently and swallow their sacrifices which totally go unnoticed.

All Sunitha could do was be silent. What she realized later is how much ever independent, loving and caring you are the world will not reciprocate the same or recognize you. So she stopped expecting. She just thought the good you do to others will come back in some other ways. Even if it doesn't come back, it is as a good human is Sunitha's duty to do good! Am I right?

So always do good, no matter what!!

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Thursday, 10 December 2015

Why is this negativity?

I see few people if not many people who just can’t bear anyone getting anything good or anything good happening to others. It is like I am the best, my family is the best, my group in my company is the best etc.  Rest all of the people in this world are either not good or they are not doing anything.

Finding negativity in others is very easy according to psychology. But finding something good and positive in others is very tough.

Some people exceed standards in finding negativity.

If somebody gets promoted, then it is because someone favored him/her. If someone get award, he/she is liked by his/her manager. If someone has boy, then having boys is not good. If someone has girl child, then having girls is not very good. If some country is good, then it has lot of other problems which are not seen. If someone is doing work, he/she is workoholic, if someone is promoted then he/she is not good, simply they got promoted by some luck. If someone complains then only that person/person from the group complaints. The list of complains goes on…. . As except them or the people associated with that them, rest all are either screwed up or not good.

Give me a break.

If they get the same things then it is because of their hard work, dedication, sincerity, patience and only they do work. Only positive things have brought them where they are now.

Why so much negativity? Why can’t people see good in others? Why keep on blaming people who are not associated with them? Why keep on branding a person or a set of people as bad? Why is this?

Why few people have such attitude? If people grow, one has to become more matured to appreciate others. That is what is growing up means. If we are getting aged, it means we have to learn to become mature and good and help/direct others to be on the same path or help others in their troubles.

Ok, even if someone is favored, lucky, fine. You also had been lucky in few things right? When good things happens to people, they do not ask God “why me”? Only when bad things happen they ask “why me”?

Please grow up. With such people, the world does not recognize them as great, but they brand them as negative people. This attitude is contagious. If we are with people with such negative thoughts, other people tend to become negative. It is better to avoid their thoughts getting into you. In Kannada there is a saying “ahankarakke udasinave maddu”. For such attitude, only negligence is best. If one takes such remarks seriously then one tend to get depressed or feel down.

Let’s get positive. There are so many good people around the world and one has to appreciate other’s efforts. It gives a good feeling for us too. To have a positive attitude towards life. J

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Thursday, 18 September 2014

Gendering Kids

When I was carrying for second time after a long time since we go married (the first one was ectopic), I was always wondering which gender I ‘prefer’. Everyone will have preferences and being a girl and being a daughter I was wishing to have a girl child. Then someone told me one should not do that. It is always good to pray to God for a healthy child. Then I realized, how crucial and important it is to have a healthy child.
When I delivered my son, the doctors told that there is a small issue in his right foot. It was almost attached to his leg. I and my husband had a big loom on our faces on the day when my son was born which was the happiest day of our lives too. But what doctor told was it gets proper automatically and if not there are surgeries to make it proper. We were only praying God that his foot becomes normal and over a period of time with God’s grace, it became alright.
After some time he had severe head injury in his 11th month. It was the most worrisome and traumatic moment in our lives because doctor had not given any hopes on his brain getting affected until the CT scan report came, That time too by God’s grace, everything became alright. It was a moment when we just wanted our son to be healthy.
When one says I want girl or boy, I would always think in my mind that let God bless them with a healthy child and let them come over such things.    Even small health issues in the new born will have greater impact on parents’ minds.
Now when I am with my son, my love for him is not greater or lesser than having a girl child. I do not look at him as my son first, I look at him as my kid blessed by God.
Of-course, once he becomes adult, he may be called as man. But I do not want to attach those man/woman attributes to him when he is such a small kid.  Definitely we should not attach such things when they are kids. I personally do not want to wish to do such things because I know it hurts their parents the most. Being a girl and daughter I never look down girls like the way others do. Same way I do not want my son to be looked down. I am his mother and I have got many such hurts and I have cried silently on such things.
Sometimes I get comments like sons will not be with us, sons will do this, sons will do that, like that. But people who are telling such things want me to go through such things I feel? They want me to suffer because I have a son and it’s a sin to have a son. I just let it go. I have come to a stage now where I do not care about such things. Whether it’s a boy or girl kid, I have to go through what is written in my forehead. Most people take atmost care of their kids irrespective of genders.
I only wish everyone to have a peaceful life with their kids because I know having kids is a blessing and I also pray for myself to have a peaceful and harmonious life with my kid.
 With best Wishes, it's TVR...

Friday, 22 August 2014

Human re(a)l(iz)ations

After a real long time I am re-starting my blog. After reading some of my posts in the blog I am amazed how I could disconnect from it for so long. It’s  a means of putting my thoughts and opinions. In a way it’s a let out and in other way it’s way of getting connected with people.

Recently (or always made to think) I have been thinking about human relations. A very complex aspect, I would say the most complex thing in the world. With every human being we come across we share a certain relationship. Even with a stranger there is a relationship. Do not we call by the name stranger? It’s a way of having that ‘strange’ relationship.

Letting our egos go is the only key and way to survive or enjoy any relation. This is not new and everyone would have experienced.

Most of the times the known relations of parents, spouse, children, siblings, in-laws, friends, neighbors, relatives and colleagues will be going on daily basis. But sometimes it gets to a point where one needs to put extra effort to get the relationship going.

Having issues/fights with spouse is very common. And if it gets out of control then one has to put positive efforts to make it work. I myself has gone through this phase and I am happy that the efforts we put that time is still lot of worth and we re-discovered ourselves as someone very much worth sharing our lives with. Once it is done, there will not be any looking back. Some will express that love they share and some will not bond. But still it is the relationship of life.

With parents, often few will have issues. But with this too, even with not putting any efforts, somehow that parental connection is awesome.  I have heard stories about my parents’ relation with their respective parents. What gaps they had and what they loved. I also have almost same share of experiences but I am very happy about my blessings.

With kids most of the times it’s unconditional love. It cannot be expressed in words. I would say the love we share with our kids is out of the world. Nothing can replace it. Whether it’s boy or girl, I think people should love their kids equally and among kids also there should not be any divide. My son is the biggest teacher in my life and taught me lot of patience. Kids are given by God just to enjoy their growing up years and experience their golden days of growing years. If we have expectations from them, it is like give and take, which I feel should not be done.  After my son is born I have always felt God has blessed me in every possible way He can because through him He has reached me physically.

With siblings, it’s common to have differences and fights. We also used to fight even when we were in colleges and my parents used to moderate. But still blood relation holds somewhere the thread. I consider my sister as my best friend with whom I can share anything and everything and she also does the same.  It is this untold factor that holds us very close.

With neighbors, colleagues and relatives, even though it is very informal, among them we hold good regards for few. It is good to keep looking everywhere to learn from everyone.  Apart from few, I have been happy to have good colleagues, neighbors and relatives with whom I have always enjoyed working, talking, enjoying respectively.

With in-laws too, definitely there will be issues because we will be from different backgrounds, still after sometime once we get to know them, we’ll get used to them and share a cordial relationship.

Last but not least, the friends. It is one such relation where one has to give up their egos and competition. Then only a friendship can survive. I have a friend who is in US, but never forgets to wish on my B’day, who keeps talking to me how much-ever busy she is and she still considers me as her best friend. I am the kind of a person who do not have many friends but very few, but stick to them forever . I have had many friends and best-friends too.  I also had a friend who is now settled in Australia who does not have time to send me msg even on whatapp (all know how easy it is over there). Some have gone in their paths forgetting friendship for no reason which even after unanimous efforts from my side have failed to come back. I get a feeling of getting dumped and pains a lot :(, I have to move on counting  on other friends.

Overall I have had good relations with almost whomever I have come across. I have had issues with almost everyone but still enjoy their company and want to get good out of everyone. In that way God makes me grow which is what is required for me to have a satisfying life.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Friday, 28 December 2012

Not so proud Indian

 I am writing this post with a very heavy heart. I did not know that one day I have to write that I am not so proud as an Indian. I have been reading and hearing the news of Delhi gang rape case. These kinds of rapes are not new in India or in any other country. But the intensity and the frequency of such cruel acts are very high in this country.
In the Delhi gang rape case, the victim is tortured to the maximum extent so that her intestines have come out. This is very brutal way of torturing anyone. Even animals do not behave this way. Animals just attack for the sake of food. But such hooligans attack for their mean desires. Such people should be tortured the way they have tortured the girl and the torture should be made public so that others do not dare to do such acts again. I cannot believe they are born from a woman’s womb. Do such people have mothers at all? If the same treatment is given to their mothers and sisters then will they be able to digest it and live with it?
I am afraid that people tell that because of the kind of dresses worn by women will result in men getting provoked and leading to such situations. But are there no incidents when women are in a saree? I read about a news where a 2-year old girl is raped. Can she have any dress which is provocative?
What is most painful is the way government is reacting to the situation. I feel that there is no connectivity between the ruling and the ruled. All statements from politicos are politically motivated and calculated rather than rational. I get no hopes of improved security or concern for women. Women in this country are subjected to many tortures in their lives in a patriarchal and misogynist world like ours.  
In this country there is no equality for women. That’s why there is no progress and India can never become a developed nation mainly because of I’ll tell you because of women’s curses. Right from birth, why birth? Before birth itself they do not want daughters. I know a friend of mine veena (name changed) who tells that her father never wanted a girl. She is the fourth child in her family and her father wanted to get the gender test done for the embryo.  The result turned out to be that it’s a girl child.  Her mother was asked to eat pills so that the fetus dies. But somehow that did not work and my friend survived and she was born. She does not have any respect to her father because she knows about this incident.

It’s horrible the way women are treated in India during birth, teen-age, marriage, after marriage, after child birth. It’s women who run the show in every family and they should be respected. Men and women are equal in every family and this society. That should be realized.
I do not have any respect for people who do not have any respect for women. Because they do not deserve it.
I definitely want to salute the protestors in the capital who have left all their personal work to come out in masses and fight for a cause. I can only pray that their concerns are addressed and stricter laws made to bring the culprits who torture women. I feel more such protests should happen with more frequency and intensity. Then only the government can realize people’s power and bent to take actions. Such days should come and I just hope they are nearer.

Last but not least my sincere prayer with the victim who is battling for life against odds for the mistake which she did not commit. My prayers with her family.
India will only shine when such innocents get justice at-least.

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

A proverb for today

Today i was discussing something with my friend about the word "adhama" which is a kannada word.
I rememebered this kannada proverb..
"adadeye maduvavanu roodhiyoluthamanu
adi maduvavanu madhyamanu
adiyoo maadadavanu adhamanu"
which means
the one doesn't tell about his/her work but does it is superior
the one who tells and does his/her work is an average
but the one who tells but still doesn't do it is stupid..
applies to all people at all places in all the contexts...isn't it?
Give it a thought!

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Rest In Peace - Savitha

Last week came to know about the death of Savitha in Ireland. Was shocked by the way she died. She was denied abortion even after her requesting multiple times. She died with a lot of pain.

Pregnancy and child-birth are like re-birth for a woman. And savitha did not come back from this phase.

But I wish her soul rest in peace and I pray and hope that no other woman goes through such pain, torture and die in any country in the name of religion or caste.

Let humanity win over all aspects of religion, caste, creed or country.